I Found the Blog I Abandoned When I Got Sober
Years ago, I created a blog called SincerelyBonita.
I wrote about my relationships, my thoughts, my pain, and the person I believed myself to be. At the time, I was using drugs, and writing became one of the places where I could release everything happening inside me.
Then I became sober—and I stopped writing.
For years, SincerelyBonita sat untouched. Recently, I found the blog again, and reading it brought back more emotions than I expected. I felt embarrassed, proud, sad, and nostalgic all at once. Some sentences made me laugh because they barely made sense. Others reminded me that even during one of the darkest periods of my life, there was still a part of me searching for meaning.
Of all the posts I found, “A Friend’s Letter” pulled at my heart the most.
I wrote it about my best friend. During our darkest days, I always chose her. I always came back because I loved her and wanted something better for her. No matter how many times she disappointed me, I continued trying to save her.
But somewhere along the way, I abandoned myself.
I loved her so much that I forgot love was not supposed to require losing myself. Eventually, I had to accept that wanting better for someone does not mean you can create that life for them. They must want it for themselves.
In the end, I finally chose me.
Our story did not end there. We are still friends, and today, we are both sober. That does not erase everything we experienced, but it allows me to look back with a different kind of understanding. We were two women trying to survive darkness before either of us truly knew how to find the light.
The truth is, I liked the darker version of myself for a while.
She was intense. She was emotional. She felt everything deeply. There was something about her that seemed fearless and free—until the darkness began to consume her. Eventually, I realized I was no longer in control. The very thing I thought belonged to me had started taking me away from myself.
When I became sober, I left that version of myself behind. Without realizing it, I left my writing with her too.
Maybe I believed the drugs were what made me creative. Maybe writing felt too closely connected to the pain. Or perhaps I was so focused on surviving, healing, and rebuilding that I did not know how to write from a place that wasn’t dark.
Finding SincerelyBonita again made me realize that my voice never belonged to the drugs.
It belonged to me.
Now, I want to discover what my writing sounds like from this side of survival. I want it to help me heal without keeping me trapped inside what hurt me. I want to share my experiences, encourage other women, and create something meaningful from the life I fought to rebuild.
And yes, I want to get paid for my words too.
This time, SincerelyBonita will not only hold my pain. It will hold my growth, my lessons, my businesses, my faith, my imperfect choices, and all the versions of myself I am still becoming.
To the women who are currently living through their own dark seasons: it can get better, but you have to want better for yourselves.
It will not be easy—not even close. There will be days when choosing yourselves feels harder than returning to what is familiar. But there is a fire inside each of you, even if you can barely feel it right now. If you protect it and keep moving forward, that fire can drive you toward the greatest versions of yourselves.
I know because I found mine.
And somewhere along the way, I found my voice again too.
Sincerely,
Bonita 🌻
SincerelyBonita 